Exercises for New Parents

  • kidlifting (all muscle groups)
  • swaying/bouncing (quads, patience)
  • sex (imagination)
  • rageful clenching (jaw, glutes, adrenal glands)
  • spouse-shouting (abs, rectum [if neurotic])
  • door-slamming (anterior delts, lats, eardrums)
  • house-fleeing (right lower leg, right wrist and forearm [if manual transmission], teeth / inventiveness [when pulled over])
  • divorce paperwork (small muscles of the dominant hand)
  • loneliness (small muscles of the dominant hand)

2 thoughts on “Exercises for New Parents

  1. moi February 11, 2013 / 7:00 pm

    very clever! i hope this isn’t posted on your professional website! 😉

    Like

    • devan February 11, 2013 / 7:04 pm

      Ha. Well, you know. My profession tolerates a weirdo decently.

      Like

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